How to lose me as a friend.

It is inevitable that there are those out there that do not want to be my friend.  I am glad, but sometimes you just don't make it apparent. So that I do not waste time and worry wondering if you are really my friend or not, I wanted to write a quick guide to make it easier for you to show me how I am  your friend.

There are some things that are very important to me in relationships.  One of them is respect.  Disrespect can take many forms.  To make this rather simple I will try to make a bullet point list for quick reference to make sure you show me your relationship intentions clearly.  Successfully done, and I will know that control and power actually mean more to you than listening to and respecting my feelings.

• Don't appreciate it when I am sharing time with you.  Instead attempt to make me feel guilty for the times I wasn't there for you.  Accuse me of not being a good friend. Tell me how little I value you, and make reference to me throwing away our friendship.  I will realize that engaging in such conversations is a higher emotional toll than I can pay and will find others to bug. 
• Make sure I hear things I only shared with you from other people.  There is nothing I like better than a person that lets me know right away how much I can trust them.  Do this sooner rather than later. 
• After you complete the last few task I am less likely to be contacting you. Try and get mutual friends to influence me to talk to you. This is where you call mutual friends and persuade them to discuss this with me. I love to make my personal relationships everyone's business and truly enjoy justifying myself to our mutual friends for not taking your crap. 
• Make no apologies.  Why should you change a thing.  I am not going to change to enjoy such treatment so why should you for being yourself.  When I explain to you I do not have time, am busy, tired, or otherwise over-extended it is best to really give me some guilt. Tell me about sickness, cancers, death, and drama.  Every moment you wish I was with you and I wasn't should be brought up, this is especially effective if it is a decision I had to make for someone else.  This will show your compassion for the others I love in my life. Completely ignore what I am going through.  Make sure I know that your issues is all your thinking about. 
• Anger. When you harbor anger because you believe I am not 'doing my job' being your friend this manifest in gloriously fun ways. When passive insults start getting tossed around about me as jokes I instantly understand this. This social manipulation can be used to instigate many negative feelings. You can use tools such as tears, sarcasm, and pity to create powerful divisions among group friends. 
• Jealousy.  When you feel insecure make sure you question me about everyone else.  Demand your place in my heart. 

Remember, you do not have to be my friend.  I choose my true friends by character. Please do not hesitate to demonstrate what being your friend will be like early on.  The clearer you can make it, the sooner I can establish a quality relationship distance with you.